brazen

I was walking down the park one night
When I saw butterflies
A large number of them
Flying towards the light
How shiny, brazen and unperturbed they were

in and out
cover
in and out
silence
fluttering their wings
spreading their scents
to the amazement of spectators
and willing companions

They make every breath
as if it was their last
as they stare and smile

self-deprecating

Curly do thinning hair
Rusty earlobes wild blackheads
Scrawny moustache bushy beard
Double chins, nearly invisible neck

That's me, in a glance
Maybe for the long run

Isolated but want to communicate

keyhole

exhale
carrying your rib cage upwards
so you can move inwards
inside your head and heart
Remain there
sit still
no need to be ushered away

Applauses only eminent around your ears
stuffed yourself with gratification

make free of yourself
so people can walk all over you
Watch over yourself
keep an eagle besides your shoulder
so you can learn how to breathe again

Resting head over your hand
painful yet choices were limited
The wait of the century
was never materialised
passed through the detractors
while waiving your hands and promises

Lost yourself inside your own thoughts
for a minute there, you thought
But that moment soon passed
and you stand staring at the hole of your bathroom door

A stroll in Paradise

Night after night at the park
Different sorts of personality
With one common goal
Either sex or money
Intertwining elements that gets people going
Day after day

Words do give impact to any situation
They cajoles, attracts and binds others
Into doing unbelievable things

I'm lost in myself
My stoicness failed me
No flying colour results
Hold me
Hold me to my deeper bone
Let me hear it cracks open
Away out of my chest
Let the birds of prey
Fly away from this ribcage
The pain would lasts me longer

Never die when you allowed yourself to live
Stacking of emotions
The welling of tears
Blurred visions
Strong sensation slowly protruding the nose
What is your worth to yourself?
Where can i find the worth weighing machine
Calm is a fiction
This mind works in different directions
And wouldnt want to act straight

hold me

squeeze my throat with your empty stares
weakened my knees with that knowing glare
How my words falter as I try picking up the pieces
You make a king forgot his step
Letting the Queen wandering free at night

trying my luck
head turns

staring at nothing 

me at my most merciful 

Nothing Spectacular

I used to think and sing that there is no future to dream about
Let's go down to the lake
there's nothing to...
begin again at the edge of a square
walk it through over its physical space
Words are spreading out
come again? Nothing spectacular
just the ordinary simple yelling
Falsetto whining
drum beat in accord with the tambourine shake
Decline, saying no repeatedly with distorted face
No sounds like know
staring nothing
I will paint my own life
at the distant corner of my right hand
Yellow baby, gawking eyes wondering for some comfort
This heart, too many holes and patches
waiting for the alarm clock to run out of batteries
Ruptures of volcanoes ensuring the deadly work
no more tears no more hearfelt sadness, please please.

Trinity

We bore no malice
To those who have tormented us
All had died
All had been judged
What gainful a man
To the whole world
Losing his own soul in return

Twofold enormity
Every breath that we draw
Kneel
Through
These
Where
Sonjourn
Lasting mourning
Encapsulating Thunder
Lightning
Rolling Over

Girl you be the great
Woman may you heed your own advice
Man crooning your charm to whoever
Still the wind breezes lightly
Unperturbed by events that flashes through

LoveQuest
They say, love knows no border
It came by gently, smothering
And go directly to the jugular
So that they say
Love is never wrong
Be it so
When a lover die
Let be
For tinkering hearts and butterflied guts
Sparks unforgettable moments
Cherished till death

2005 Collection of Unsorted Thoughts So Far

4th Dimension

First there's the dot
Then alight another dot
Dot to dot makes a line
Line to line makes a plane

And so we glide onto the plane
With free will and free form
We come across another plane
Into an arc we come about

Through a radius of a circle
We walk non stop
Then we run till we die
With every death we make us run
Did it get us anywhere?
Swirling, Twirling and spiralling
Into speeding metals and even
flying high beyond the clouds
What space-time are we in?
Does it exist when we can't see it?
Let alone not able to feel it
And they say
Welcome to the fourth dimension

Rozmanshah Abdullah



Acquainted Earth

He is one man to acres of land
Ploughing his way
Stiffening his spine
Dreaming life as a habit
In the meagre search for a mouthful rice
To unfold the dissolving of a great design
To share with his wonder's lust

Green meadow of grazing grass
Keeping the spoon, thank you very much
Charming birds, doing good, when dont have much

At the top of the land
Clouds brushed bare scalps
Euphemism of grand power of a demon
When seeing is not about looking
Nor sensing never about feeling

Nature's way of touching the sky
In it's effort to knock on god's doorstep
Rampant survival, fading vegetation
High altitudes Gasping
Exhale, inhale

To stand out among other things
As he lay himself to the ground
Waiting for that whispered voice
Reliving his instinctive loin

Lines, lines of multiple ground
And contradicting lines of force
That little by little converge
Then, simplified, cancelling each other
Out at the peak
A return to unity

Rozmanshah Abdullah


Be

From Chaotic to order
Or was it from
Order to disorder
Just be
The universe
No beginning no ending
Self-Contained
Independence of creation

Just be
The notion of beginning thwarted
If, for the longest time
Man can accept
Nothingness to somethingness
Would it be hard to acknowledge
There are things that jus be
Be as it is
Empty podium for a sculpture to rest
Green meadows for dreamers to desire and destroy
And a set of eyes that filled all the stars
Be, be as it is

Rozmanshah Abdullah



Coming out

The beginning
It gets inside you
Eats you out
Messed you up

Refusing to accept
Squirming wasting through narrow hole
Finding the point of entry
Which has been exhaustively applied and tried upon
Does this opening have a home?
Or is it free for any other man

Sitting while thinking
or sitting and absorbing
Closed eyes trembling,
quivering with tinkering thoughts that was never there
when will there be magic

Rozmanshah Abdullah


Everything is human

There are billions of stars
and there are billions of humans
Could it be that one signifies the other
One star to a man
And one star to a woman
Would it be right to say that
Everything is human
Universe as a big mirror
And stars are our reflection

Then to what are we looking at?
Up we tilt our head
Down they gleams at us
Stretch our eyes
Through panaromic view
The event horizon expanding
Gravity will always win

Rozmanshah Abdullah


I am Sita

At the darkest moment comes the light
I am that light
My existence destroys reason
Love is divine
Nothing beats the sense of completeness
Becoming one and being contented with it
I am Sita
My mind swirls and twirls
Yet it remains in a complete circle

Rozmanshah Abdullah


Lovelife

Fully equipped are you
relaunching your life
put on a facade
where you are the all knowing
dispensing advise
masterfully
confidently
succinctly
Sorting up other people's
life it's natural
Top man, good man
grinned from ear to ear
Still life less to be desired
a far cry from sorted
they are milking away your enthusiasm
your make believe good intention

What being are you becoming
carefree and careless
yet have no one by side
So that they say
Love is never wrong
Be it so
When a lover die
Let be
For tinkering hearts and butterflied guts
Sparks moments
Cherished till death

Rozmanshah Abdullah

Mortal - brief life

Wanting what you can't have
Reloving things that is already there
Is there such magic
While reading your own palm
And telling yourself
The future is within grasp
Keep Keep telling
Keep telling it to yourself
That everything will turn out alright

Rozmanshah Abdullah

Saka

In a wood, so thick, the sun never touches its ground
Wandering eyes, unwelcomed snares, greeting footsteps
Front, forward, dragging jerky knees, hearing echoes of unknown sound
This is the place soon to be home, resting footsteps
In a space, so green and loud, breathless found
The air, the wind and a simple gust, something queer abound
Limber, loose conscious, letting go, rolling eyes stares
Comfort, tabik tuk, assurance, tumpang lalu tuk, hoping
Eyelids never close, sound silenced, numb, lower body, glares
Contact, corn seeds sprinkled, respect, percaya pada yang ghaib
A deity, acknowledging its existence, yellow rice served befits a king
A bond is sought, mending a broken bridge, long forgotten
What rewards gainful as what mortals can actually offer?
Devotion? Impossible, Absolute submission, unthinkable
Friendship, forging ties with the unknown, mystery to all

Rozmanshah Abdullah


Simulacra

At any one moment
To what does one seek
Seems not enough with mere lament
Busting skerries up against the creek

For this particular moment
As one rises from nothingness
Bear witness to endless movements
Where everything is in its utmost trivialness

From this moment on
A tale
That never running out of its colour
Will be thread, spun and knitted upon
Inviting mountains, heightened with wonders
A story
of Ravana, the love aggravator
A story
of Soorpanaka, the diva in distress
A story
of Rama, the stoic manipulator
A story
of Sita, the incidental temptress


Soorpanaka:

My name is never as boring as it sounds
If names were to be affiliated with professions
I will sure as hell be seen with a crown
Parading, Waiving stupidly and smiling insincerely,
such action!

Nevertheless
I am Soorpanaka
My nature to make hearts rapture
Evoking delight inviting pleasure
For nothing is Greater than desire


Rama:

I am Rama
Born with gifts incomprehensible to others
Pure contentment with my better half
I am happy in my quietness
Happy in my own idea of happiness


Ravana:

True things don't mean they are real
Real things don't mean they are true
Love comes and goes and is sometimes unrequited
Not having someone to love makes you half a person?
Having someone makes you whole?

I am the voice of passion
The sound of obsession
For I am Ravana
I follow my bliss
Therefore I come to bliss


Sita:


At the darkest moment comes the light
I am that light
My existence destroys reason
Love is divine
Nothing beats the sense of completeness
Becoming one and being contented with it
I am Sita
My mind swirls and twirls
Yet it remains in a complete circle

Just when I thought things are already better
The inevitable will surely transpire


Narrator:

It started with a dot
A tiny dot actually, accelerating
Spreading in volume
Until it weighs too much
Resulting in a decision
The banishment of Rama
From his own ‘negara’
Successful bid by Sita
To follow and devote
Spending their lives together
Vows exchanged, promises sealed forever
To the jungle they went
Exiling themselves at will

Narrator:

Then, there’s Soorpanaka
Following her heart
Bestowing with pride
Went for an evening ride
Her being her
A creature of excess
Exploring without rest
So….. Through the eyes love attains the heart?
As she cast her eyes on Rama

Soorpanaka:

How does one live without love?
How can one carry forward living
When crushed and scarred for life
Since when love is exclusive
And can’t be shared?
I beseech you Rama
I detest you Sita
I shall tell you something frightening
The repercussion will be devastating
A plain NO with full conviction should suffice
Rather than maiming me for life
Such cruel act of cowardice
From a man ‘so-called’ mirroring god?

Rozmanshah Abdullah


The physical of squares

Does the universe dream?
As we sleep day and night
We know
Can there be stillness in motion?
As the cripple stares at the ticking clock
We know
Is order the origin of chaos?
As we felt the tremor of expansion
We know
Does nature shares our imagination?
As we create, migrate and advance
We know

A matter aka a ripple?
Interspersing our collective unconsciousness
As we accept the dictum of
The world sprang from nothing
In a single moment
Contortionist have we become
One on top of another
Achieving simpleness
Our paradox of life
Small makes bright
Big emits puny ray
The end is never near
We know

Rozmanshah Abdullah


Try Living

Nobody in this world is worth anything
It is all just some made-up thing
Where everyone incline to believe in clinging
To some sort of belief and bearing
There's no actual physical enduring
Just a bunch of lost dreaming

The stakes are high & it seems we are losing
Embracing life as though it has meaning
When reality is far from the telling
Hearing tales of good living
Actual experience nothing but trying

Pacify ourselves with reminiscing singing
Merriment & delight ceased like lightning
Guess they are just God's way of playing

Rozmanshah Abdullah